Happy Teasure Hunts to all in 2009!

More Cheer!

Merry Christmas from Billings!

Long time Comin'

So the world has kept revolving and I've kept busy...
Have you ever felt that the world's orbit and your path don't quite mirror each other...

Well welcome to my world...
Or mostly my Statistics class...

What the Hell do I know about statistics?...well the answer is the same now as it was 15 weeks ago...

Not a whole heck of a lot...
Chi square still sounds like a tasty dessert...post hoc is what happens after too much tequila...pseudo experiments are bad first dates...and true experiments are way too complicated and everything you think you need to control turns out to be only a few of the extraneous variables that will screw up your research...which results in things that are not statistically significant but may have a large enough effect size to matter...

Who have I lost?...
Go ahead and re-read it...it won't make a difference...

Trust me...

Other than the little gold nugget of "Question Statistics and never believe things people tell you are certain!"...not too much was retained...

Could have saved the $1,000 bucks and got that out of Bartlett's quotations...

Or in a Box of Cracker Jacks...do they still make Cracker Jacks or have they been abolished due to trans fat or carb numbers?...

So while I was setting up an ANOVA test...which has nothing to do with stars..and correlating data...I figured out another thing to NOT be when I grow up...

A Clown...

They don't make any sense either...and their effect size usually has a negative correlation with normal people...

But I can't say for certain...

Oh and "Catcher in the Rye"...what's all the hype about?...

I Have Found Jesus...

Well, I've found his picture anyway...

Apparently when you get placed by a university to observe area teachers teach...they assign you to the places they believe will fit you the best...

They put me...however...in a Private...Catholic...High School...

I'll pause while those of you who know my history with private schools collect themselves...

Done?...

I am what most people consider a "pot stirrer"...

I've had instances in my life when church hasn't given me good enough answers..."Because I said so"...has never worked well for me...

And as an open-minded, right to choose, type of person...church makes me a little angry at times...

So as I walked in to the school through a doorway with the Virgin Mary above it...seriuosly lovely alabaster statue...I was greeted by Jesus...

About ten Jesuses in fact...all piousley hanging on the walls of the school...

Now, don't get me wrong...I love Jesus...But when He's depeicted in the old, sad baroque style with all their gilded frames and dark colors...I kind of get the impression that the paintings are watching me...

Now I don't mind Jesus watching over me...but watching me from a golden frame at 8 in the morning...is a bit disconcerning...

Now multiply that painting by ten and you might get what I mean...

It's downright creepy...and it doesn't matter who's in the painting...their eyes follow you...

Maybe that's what they're supposed to do to remid you that God is always watching...

But does he have to watch you from a gold frame and look so depressed when he does it...

Why can't the paintings of Jesus be happy to see you...instead of freeking you out?

Especially at 8 in the morning when the last thing you need is some guy disapproving of you before you even get out of the hall...

Where the "F" have I been?

Yes...I know....it has been forever...

For the speedy catch-up version here it is...at any point feel free to post questions about the giant holes I will inevitably leave in the story...

When last you heard I was neck deep in a summer of middle schoolers teaching the skills of outdoorness...I have to say that they were lovely children and I didn't find myself eying cliffs to push them off of...

I did finish the "program" and was very happy to see free wine and beer at the ceremony...I even managed some nostalgic tears along with the "hallelujahs" and "I can't believe it's finally overs"...and of course the hysterical and maniacal laughing I tried to keep contained...not very successfully thanks to the free wine...

Then it was a month of nothing...and I mean nothing...

Which was something I could have gotten used to if it wasn't for my damn conscience always pushing and poking at me...

Note to self...listen to subconscious more...it's not as motivated...

So I packed all my stuff...well not all of it...

And moved back to a larger town/small city to finish my Masters degree...

After a week of classes I find myself inundated with too much stimulation and fear that my mind will melt at any moment...

Real Grad school kinda sucks...

Especially when you have a committee overseeing your every academic move under the guise of "helping" you through the maze and hoop jumping...these three people...all professors or professionals in your field...periodically get together to discuss what you're doing wrong and how these mistakes will cost you months of time and thousands of dollars...like I need three more people telling me that...and you get to sit there and try really hard not to scream and break down in hysterical crying...there's never free wine around when you need it...

Plus you "get to" take fun classes like "Research Design and Interpretation"...yippee...

Basically this class is the bane of my existence...it's all statistics...need I remind you that I have a degree in ENGLISH LITERATURE...

I haven't done real math since 1997...

I'm screwed...double exclamation point!!

And to make my life a little more enjoyable...the professor of this class-from-hell is on my committee...

Can't wait for the next meeting...

But at least it's only one class that's causing mass panic and fetal position rocking...

And I have to remember where I was last year at this time...schlepping a 40 pound pack around while trying to teach 5th graders about science and hoping to God I wouldn't loose one of them in the woods...

So not really a fish out of water anymore...

Just a freshwater fish in a statistical ocean...

Still swimming but slowly realizing that the salt may kill me...if my shark-like committee doesn't get there first...

Gulp...

Here we go again...

Bring Me More of THEM Blues...

As many of you know I have a slight obsession with a certain blues singer from the upper midwest...

And also I have a real obsession with blond-haired, blue-eyed boys...yes it's true...

Now combine the two and what do you get?...

Jonny Lang...yup that's who I got to see on the 16th...

Not only was the concert absolutely amazing...which it was I assure you...

And if you haven't heard of him...Listen to 'Breakin Me' or 'Walking Away'...and listen to the vocals and guitar work of this guy...He played with BB King when he was 15...need I say more...

And for those of you who don't know BB King...you can stop reading this right now...

Anyway...

Not only was the concert AMAZING and LOUD...it wasn't even the best part of the night....

Can you guess why?...

Yup...I got to meet him...

And you would have been so proud of me...I didn't babble like an idiot...

Even though I've been stuck in the woods with 13 other girls all year and I've listened to his music since I was 15...

I DIDN'T BABBLE!...

I even made him laugh and managed to shoot some Fargo around...

Darn Tootin'!

And he gave me his new CD and an autograph...

Yup...darn good night!

I was so concentrated on the conversation and not being an idiot...like normal..that I forgot to take a picture...

Oh well...the memory will have to be enough...plus other people there can verify...

I think I annoyed some of the VIPs because I was making him laugh and chat and they were behind me in line...

It's not my fault that we bonded over our Midwestern roots and the lack of oxygen at this elevation...although the reason I couldn't breathe had nothing to do with the elevation...

My Oh My!...

Picture the best smile you've ever seen...pair it with deep dimples...now add a gravely blues voice...tack that onto to a tall blond boy...and what do you get...

Somebody who normally makes me babble like an idiot...

But not anymore...I'm cool...I'm calm...I was high on cold medicine...

Note to self...carry cold medicine around at all times...

Or mabe it was high on his music...I'm telling you...

For a tall white boy from North Dakota...He can REALLY sing the blues...and he plays the guitar like he's going to die tomorrow...nothing to loose and all heart in...

Go...Listen...Drool...and see how cool you would be face to face with that amount of talent and appeal...

I'll wait while you collect yourself...

Alabaster & Sun

Imagine if you will...a slightly chubby woman...with pale skin (albino-like)...who has a healthy respect (fear) of deep water and little boats...

Got it?

Now put that girl in a bright orange life-jacket...with a neck flap and three buckles to hold all the mushy parts in...

Got it?

Now...put that girl in crowd of 12 Middle School kids that look like they have been casted to fit all walks of life...from inner-city to upper class...

Got it?

Okay...give the girl and kids all paddles...

Got it?

Now put that girl in an aluminum canoe...on a clear mountain lake...in the bright mountain sun...

Got it?

Now try and guess what the girl forgot...





Let's just say that even though the bottle said "Waterproof" and "SPF 45" the small print read..."Re-apply if you are the color of an alabaster statue, and you should really consider SPF 70"...

I didn't know that you could burn your knees to a lovely maroon color...

Sure does make the other white parts of my legs really stand out...

Or vise versa...

And it really makes me want to hop back in a canoe...although it is kind of painful to hop right now...not that I do a lot of hopping in general...

But if you want to picture it go ahead...put the life-jacket on me too...and don't forget the red knees, mushy parts, and the look of fear...

Yup...I'll wait while you collect yourself...

Bittersweet Lessons About Love and Trust

So, a lot has happened since my last post…

I went back to MN to see my grandfather and family…and had a wonderful time… I was happy to sit once again in a place full of people who loved me….maybe they don’t always understand me but they love me nonetheless…

Sadly, about three weeks later I went back again for a more solemn occasion…my Grandfather…the only one that I had ever truly “had”…the man I hoped would be eternal is dead…

I would try to capture in words the legacy of this man…this curmudgeon and giant of a man if I could…but my years of literary education fail me…

I can’t tell you how much he was loved by me or how much he frustrated me…or how much I wanted to make him proud…or how much I will miss his growly, loving presence…I can only say the things I will remember the most…

His love of horses and the land…His devotion to his family…His devotion to his God…His love of my Grandmother…His dedication to His family…His stories…how I will try to remember them…and the way they made him laugh and by living them, become wiser than I will ever be…

His brilliance…The smell of his pipe (although he gave that up years ago)…The sound of his voice…The knowledge that he was always where you could find him…

His chair…

His frying pan…His face…His joy around his grandkids and great-grandkids…and His stubborn need to hide it all behind a Virgil exterior of hard lines and strong hands…

I will miss you Grandpa…be at peace…and say Hi to grandma for us all…
Know that I write this with all the love and knowledge that I posses...I hope I have made you proud…


So as I sit on my porch in the lovely mountain sun and southerly wind I am reminded of all of life’s gifts…be they challenges or rewards…they are all around and most often where you least expect them to be…


Yesterday I was in Yellowstone with 12 Middle School kids from around the country…showing them and trying to teach them about the beauty of this unique place...when I realized that I didn’t know any science that I could teach them that was more important than the ear that I could lend them…They trust me with their fears and their insecurities more than they want my knowledge…I realized for the first time what it means to be trusted completely…I know trust is hard to give and so I cherish this knowledge more than any other data that I have learned this year…

So despite all the struggles I have had with this program I have learned a lot…

Just don’t tell any of the tree huggers…They'll take all the credit...

And I promise to try to be funnier next blog...because I really am not very drepressed...

Dramatic, yes...but that will never change...

Uplifter...

So I have been told that the posts have been getting depressing and that you all think I should be put on suicide watch...

Many of you know that I am a acerbic person...
May have called this sourness slightly sarcastic...

They are right...
I am also a bit dramatic and melancholic...

So don't worry...well not too much...
I do have happy moments...

They're just not as fun to write about...

But I'll try...so here goes...

This morning I woke up to a sound that seemed to be coming from the wall just behind my head...my first thought was MOUSE...but then I realized that the sound was outside...so I rolled over and opened my curtain just in time to see a Marten run away with a mouse in his mouth...

My first reaction was right...it was a mouse...but it was a dead mouse...my favorite kind...

Maybe I'll keep that Marten around...the rule book says that I can't have any "non-native" animals living in my cabin...

Last time I checked (which was this morning) Martens were indigenous...

Heeeheee...beat that Lord Byron...

Boredom Loves Misery...

I am so bored and sick of snow that Texas actually sounds pretty good right now...

And I hate the heat...
And republicans...(Except for those in my family who are...I love you guys!)

I also think that my life would be a fantastic, satirical screenplay...

Why?...

I'm over educated...sitting in a box office...which is actually a box of a room with no windows...selling tickets to a play that makes no sense...

Studying for my upcoming ornithology class...I don't get birds...

Plus I'm single...in a town with a guy girl ratio of 7:1...the only men I get to look at are cyber...because I'm stuck in the woods with 12 other girls...

And all the guys in town are fitness fanatics whose ideas of fun are triathlons and trail running...

All of my friends live far away...

The only people outside of school that I talk to on a daily basis are my Mom and Sister...who are great to talk to...but...

I don't even get to have my cat...(Yes, I know what I sound like...)
Maybe I should follow in Lord Bryon's footsteps and get a pet bear...

See, over educated...

And all this so I can study to be a naturalist...even though I don't want to be outside 24/7...

I don't even like butterflies...every naturalist loves butterflies...

I'm losing weight...which would be good if it wasn't because of the flu and lack of anything good to eat...I can't cook because my tiny cabin in the woods has no kitchen......

And...

IT's STILL SNOWING!!!

If that's not a screenplay waiting to happen...I don't know what is...

I've got OSCAR written all over me...

Too bad it's just in Sharpie...

I told you I was bored...

I.M...Finished...

That's it...

I'm done...

With the paper... What did you think I was going to say?

Yes folks after many hours of skilled procrastination...I found within me 18 pages of words...

No I didn't just write "The cat sat on the mat"...although I have been tempted to throw that randomly into a paper just to see if professors actually read the whole thing...

No, I found 18 pages of brilliance...

Now I don't want to toot my own horn....actually I do...It's really that good of a paper...

I managed to say everything I wanted to say in a seemless...dare I say...fluid style that few writers are able to perfect...

I printed it out and handed it in...I'm sure that my instructors will weep at my feet...begging for me to write more...

I can hear them now....

"I.M. Knot, You are brilliant! Why can't I be as smart as you?"

"Well...you are too kind...Yes...I am a genious thank you for noticing...

No you can't kiss my feet..."

Yes...yes...yes...


Brilliant I say...BRILLIANT!


18 pages of writing without saying anything...but making a point of not letting the reader know that they haven't actually been given any information...that's my speciality!

After all I do have a Lit degree...

Should I mention that I finished writing the paper at 3:30 this morning...

I hope I spelled my name right...

Heeheeheeheee....

What?

I'm fine...

Really..................................................................

Struggling...

This may come as quite a shock...but I am struggling with this program...and life in general...at the moment...Most of you know that I love studying...I love it to the point that I would enroll in college just to learn new things..for no other reason than they sound interesting...I am a nerd and embrace it...

So now that "They" have given me an assignment which I would normally love...I have a complete lack of initiative...I have no desire to research...no desire to write...no desire to argue my point of view...

I know! I don't want to write an academic paper that argues my point of view!

Pick your jaws up from the floor...

"WHAT HAS HAPPENED?", you ask...

I don't know...

"Well what do you want to do?"...

I want to check out of school and for the first time in my life do nothing...NOTHING...

I don't want to worry about who I'm going to be when I grow up...I strongly suspect that I am that person already...

I don't want to worry about grades and how my life is being measured by others through hours of argument and paper writing...you know all the stuff I used to love...

I don't want to look around and worry about what people think of me...I suspect they'll think what they want whether or not I look around...

And I really don't want to write because I HAVE to...I want to write because I WANT to...I don't want to write something that will prove to "them" that I am a thinking being...I know I am...

That's all I do is think...

Maybe that's my problem...people who clearly don't think about anything seem relatively happy...look at the Hollywood elite

That's IT!...

I'm going to stop thinking about things that I am not interested in...I don't care...

What do you think?...

Right decision?...

Well it worked for about 10 seconds...

I'll have to try harder next time...

A Howling Good Time

You know, from my past postings, that I do hate the snow right now...this has NOT changed...especially when I got home last night...

It had snowed all morning but the afternoon was clear...luckily for the Hillclimbers and their machines (Word Championship Hill Climb...snowmobiles and slednecks...gotta love 'em)...unfortunately that didn't mean that anyone had bothered to help clear the path to my cabin...I of course was told that they were going to get the snow blower out...

Yes, they have a snow blower!...I too was shocked to learn about it...having not seen it all winter and having to shovel the length of a football field with a PLASTIC shovel...yes PLASTIC (those who have lived in the far north know that for any sort of heavy snow removal a plastic shovel will not do)...but alas...when I got home last night my path was gone....COMPLETELY blown in....If I hadn't known any better I would never have know that there had ever been a path....

What happened to the for mentioned snow blower?...apparently everybody on campus...including the snow blower...went to a concert...so when I got home at 9PM not only was campus completely void of paths it was also completely void of lights...now, I'm not a pansy but trying to struggle through waist-deep snow in the pitch black is not my idea of a good time....

I of course tried to make it (They won't beat ME!)...but, being the incredibly coordinated person that I am...I stepped wrong and sunk....that's when true anger (and perhaps a little fear) came in... of course my overactive imagination didn't help...visions of wolves and snow goblins ran through my mind...I know wolves won't attack but those snow goblins can't be trusted...so after a little, less-than-ladylike language...I hauled myself out of the drift and got back in my car...

Unlike my path the roads were completely dry...COMPLETELY DRY....so I drove 50 miles to my sister's house and slept on their futon...that was much easier...and gave me plenty of time to calm down and curse like a trucker....(no offense to all you truckers out there but you do swear a lot)

On a happier and much cooler note...I got to spend 1 1/2 hours watching a pack of wolves sleep...no not while I was stuck in the snow...luckily...

No, they were on a butte about 1 mile away and looked remarkably like rocks...

Yes I'm sure they were wolves...we got a spotting scope out...

It was VERY COOL...

So not everything about the program sucks...but that doesn't mean that I want to shovel anymore...

I REALLY wish I was...

So, for the last three...no four...days it has been snowing...yes snowing...I really wish I was joking...but I'm not...now don't get me wrong I like snow...but not a blizzard on March 27th that requires me to put snowshoes on my Mom just so she can get to my cabin... (I was also on snowshoes but am used to it...kinda...and for those of you who know her it was quite entertaining but a pain the you-know-what)...

Now many of you know that this program has been pushing me nearer the proverbial edge for a while now...well since the beginning really...and although I have come close a couple of times to flipping out and joining the circus...I have managed to calm down and re-assess...

Well NO more...

I really think that I would be a good elephant trainer...I too hate mice (as you know)...and have a good memory (I remember really random crap sometimes)...and I often feel as if I could go nutzo and trample a bunch of people who kept pushing me to eat peanuts (or other nutty things)...we would have a lot in common...me and my elephant...

I think I'll name him Moose...

A Yearly Gift...

So it's that time of year again where the Calendar tells you it's Spring but the Weather refuses to cooperate...consequently it is also the time of year in which I am reminded that I am getting older...and it is also when my Mother calls me to remind me that labor is not fun and I nearly killed her...a fun reminder at six in the morning...
Yup you guessed it..It's my birthday!...And this year it looks as if the Weather is giving me its traditional gift...snow. It has snowed every year on my Birthday...

EVERY YEAR...it has even snowed when it wasn't predicted...it's like this one day, the entire Cosmos get together to play a little joke on me...I've given up planning outdoor birthday parties...and I think that I will be truly shocked if I were to wake up and see the sun...

EVERY YEAR...I think it would snow even if I were to move to the desert...Weather people would call it a fluke...they wouldn't know what to blame...I alone would know...

It's because on this day I came into the world in all sorts of bluster and noise and so I must remember that...EVERY YEAR...but hey, at least I always know what the day will be like if not the year in between...

So wish me luck and help me gather some snowballs...

Yup...

Have you ever woke up and thought "This is going to be an interesting day!"...You're not sure why you think that...so you get out of bed and get ready for your day...only to realize that your day is going to bite you in the @!s the first moment it can. I got bit in the shower when sudsy shampoo got in my eye...I hate it when that happens...it makes me feel like a little kid who hasn't figured out the tilted head technique...then I couldn't find matching socks...maybe because of a blurry eye...stupid soap...and then I locked my keys in my car...while it was running....#^*&#@! &(*#%&@!!!!!

YES folks, it was running and NO, I don't have a spare hidden anywhere...

"Why Not?"

...Well that's because I had to give it to the snowplowing guy on campus so he could move my car to plow the lot...and NO I didn't get another made because...I forgot...and YES, I will make sure to unlock my door when the car is running...and YES I will get another spare made...and YES I know it was a pretty bone-headed thing to do...and NO I am not going to talk about it anymore...

Luckily my B-in-law knows how to break into cars...not by breaking the window...even I can do that...

NO he's not a criminal...

but YES... he did work for a towing company and they taught him all sorts of tricks....Yeah for Tricks!

It only took him like ten minutes...which on a Saturday, with a full day of fun planned would be a good thing...but alas I had to go to work so I was a bit disappointed...note to self...call in sick when get initial "This is going to be an interesting day" feeling...nothing can get you if you stay in bed...scratch that...karma can always find a way to get even...even when you don't deserve it...

Dirt, Food, Games...and Goats?

Well...March has been a bit of a lion here in the northern woods...it snowed another 6 inches...as I had predicted...jinxed myself with that one...but at least I know that April is coming and that means Spring for sure...oops...that means Spring is likely. Let's not tempt fate again...Fate doesn't like me. In school this week we have been re-visiting students that we taught in the Fall to see what they have remembered from their time here...Here's what we learned: 1.) Lunches outside are good as long as there are no bugs; 2.) Games involving hiding from your teacher are really awesome; and most important 3.) I am the coolest teacher ever! A quote "You are still the coolest teacher ever!"...and we all know that kids don't lie. I like these kids...they remember the important stuff. Apparently to achieve coolness in the fifth grade as a teacher you have to let them roll around in the dirt and let them eat their lunches outside...oh and make them not realize the fact that the games you let them play actually teach them about prey hiding techniques...as for rolling around in the dirt, they will never forget the term Bison Wallow...so there you go...the keys to coolness...dirt, food, and games. Gotta love 'em!

On a stranger note...I saw a lady walking her goats today...yes goats...at first I though they were Impalas...African Antelope for those who have never watched Cheetahs chase them on the Nature channels...but then I thought "Hey! It doesn't snow on the Serengeti..." So I took a second look and realized that she just had really tall goats...she had a dog with her too...but still strange...the dog was even on a leash...I wonder if there are leash laws for goats? If there are I need to report a violation...

Spring...Please!

For those of you who live in the Northerly winter climate, you know how long the winters are. I have lived in this climate my entire life but...enough is enough. After a week of lovely sun and freezing temperatures, I woke this morning to 6 new inches of snow. Now, I like snow...but once again...enough is enough. I didn't even bother to shovel. I. Am. Done. I will shovel no more...after all there really is no point...the path just gets blown in or covered up...Enough is enough! So, this evening I was surprised to step outside and smell something I was sure would never come. You who live in the North can relate...you probably can already guess what that southerly breeze was hearkening to...that smell...that lovely wet smell of Spring! In my ecstatic state I drug another Grad Student outside with me...I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't delusional...and asked her what she smelled...she unfortunately likes snow and feels that the smell of it melting away isn't lovely...but what do I care? She agreed with me! SPRING! We tried to figure out just what that first hint of Spring smells like...the best I can come up with is...it smells like the trees are breathing...it's fresh...it's alive... it's SPRING!

Now watch it dump another six inches just to spite me...that would not be good...

Update

In my class this week we have learned a variety of helpful and mind boggling things. On Tuesday we learned that when radio-collaring sage grouse, the males are fitted with backpacks. Why backpacks instead of collars? Well, that's simple. During mating season, the males puff out their throats and make a drumming sound to attract females. I've always had a thing for drummers...so I see why this technique works so well....so if they, the scientists, would put a normal radio collar on the males, they wouldn't be able to drum....and that would be bad...all those female groupies would have to find new mosh pits to visit. Although I don't know if the complete nerdiness of the little backpack really helps with attracting females...and it really doesn't help that the backpack is powered with a small solar panel..."Hey Chicky, check out my nifty backpack...it's solar powered you know"....I suppose that line would work with all the green chicks out there...and there are a lot of those in the valley to be sure...but does it help with overall popularity at mating time? I'll have to ask the scientists...I'm "The Lit Major"...so they expect random questions from me anyway...

On Wednesday we learned that Pronghorn hate fences and freak-out whenever they encounter one they can't crawl under...yes Antelope crawl under fences they don't jump...they have evolved into one of the fastest land mammals but apparently they haven't figured out how to jump over things...hey, why jump...crawling is so much easier...unfortunately the fence of choice amongst private landowners in Wyoming is barbed wire...which is not a fun thing to crawl under...so the Fish & Wildlife Service is trying to change the Wyoming love of barbed wire to a more antelope friendly, straight wire...at least on the bottom...

Also on Wednesday we learned about the natural gas boom happening across much of the west...apparently Wyoming has enough natural gas to power 12.5 million homes for 20 years...which sounds like a lot until you realize that that number is roughly a third of the population of California...so after destroying the Wyoming Mesa...natural gas companies can help 1/3 of the population of California stay comfortably temperature-controlled for twenty years...do more math...which I hate normally anyway....and you will find that this amount of natural gas will not last us long as a whole and will definitely destroy the land from which it came....Now many of you are rolling your eyes, thinking that the Tree huggers have converted me...but I assure you that this is a big deal...the rigs they move onto the drill sights are gigantic....and I don't use that word lightly....GIGANTIC...and they're mobile. So, every three months or so they deconstruct the whole thing and move it to another drill sight. I'm telling you that this is truly mind-boggling! It would be like moving a ten-story building...although the drill rigs look more like something you built with and erector-set...every three months...and what's left of the sagebrush after they drill is tragic. Now I used to think that Sagebrush was everywhere and not at all necessary until I was faced with the sight of it being bulldozed. Did you know that Sagebrush is really very fragile and grows very slowly....so once it's disturbed it takes decades to re-grow...decades! So faced with all of this information I am feeling quite conflicted. I like grilled steaks and a warm house...but I also like wild animals and wide open spaces untouched by man...I guess those are things I never thought I would have to choose between...but now I'm not really sure what I would do if faced with the choice...a difficult thing to think about, but there it is....I'll get off my new soap box...

The final thing I have learned this week is...skis are the devil and they want me dead...well if not dead...maimed. On Monday and Tuesday they waged a war with the help of the Sagebrush. first it was the dash and grab tactic in which, while I was dashing through the snow, the Sagebrush would try to grab my poles. This of course would leave me horribly unbalanced, and send me in to a flailing scuffle...as you know, this tactic was unsuccessful and I remained standing. On Tuesday the Sagebrush went undercover with its covert, "Sage Bombing"...once again it was unsuccessful. So on Wednesday, when all of its tactics had failed, the Sagebrush turned control over to Snow Pack and Topography. The combination was horrific and successful. They managed to pull me down...repeatedly. I have waved my white flag...I will not put skis on my feet again...there is nothing fun about falling down and not being able to get up from flat ground...every time I put my hand down to stand back up I would sink to my shoulder in snow...try standing up without using your hands...go ahead try it...lay on your back with brooms tied to your feet (brooms=skis)...and try to stand up without using your hands...not so easy is it?...

Now stop laughing and turn off your computer...that way I can rest comfortably knowing that we are conserving energy...and the Sage grouse, with its little backpack, can live to drum another day...

So I was skiing along this morning, trying to utilize the placement of my poles to get the most of my forward momentum, when thrunk....yes thrunk. Thrunk is the sound you make when you, quite unexpectedly, sink to your waste in snow whilst Nordic skiing across sagebrush fields. Of course for me thrunk is the first of many sounds that follow such an event. Others are far less creative sounding and not at all appropriate...apparently such an event is commonly referred to as a "Sage Bomb"...this event seems to occur when it is least expected, whilst its victims are unaware of their impending doom, and results are quite catastrophic...not to mention they take out a lot of innocent bystanders...no, I didn't take anybody down with me...but I totally didn't see it coming....and I don't think I deserved it either. Tomorrow I will be wiser. Tomorrow I will be on my toes. Tomorrow...I should stay home...

Update

So I was sitting here tonight watching Casino Royale....blond James Bond...when out of my shaken and stirred state I heard quite an eerie sound. I thought for sure it was a moose yawn until it started in chorus and then there was no mistaking the distinct call of the wild...that gripping and lonely sound of a wolf howling at the moon. There is no mistaking it and trust me at times....like when I'm alone in my cabin in the woods....I wish there were. But, curiosity got the better of me and so I stepped outside of my cabin and nearly fainted when I heard a rustling in the bushes to my left.....out popped a snowshoe rabbit....and I nearly wet myself. I swear sometimes it seems like Nature has me on one of those hidden camera shows and just baits me to see what I'll do....I do have to say that the screaming has died down a bit and has been replaced by disgruntled and exasperated cursing....sometimes at higher than normal volumes, but not the cacophony that is my scream. I think I may have actually killed the buffalo with that one....they found a dead one the next day just down the hill...I feel badly about it so I've decided to give wildlife a break...at least for now or until I get charged again....then all bets are off....

In other news: I was out on Nordic skis today and realized that I am in fact the most coordinated person in the world...they should give me a prize or something. The only thing literally holding me back would be the sagebrush that kept grabbing my poles away from me thus sending me into a tustle of flying arms and near upsets....you can stop laughing now.....I didn't even fall once....now I should get a medal for that! The next round comes tomorrow when we go out to count Sage-grouse tracks....yes that's right tracks not birds...apparently we aren't to be trusted when it comes to counting the actual bird...which is probably good considering I'll be waging war with the sagebrush and will probably miss half the tracks in my efforts to not fall over in front of the world-renowned biologists conducting the study....sometimes I wonder what I was drinking when I decided that this was a good idea...now stop laughing and wish me luck....and while your sitting at your computer thinking that you are having a bad day...just think of me...covered in snow, swearing at sagebrush, and wishing to God that they wouldn't give me such great opportunities to mess up scientific research....